Finding Alignment that Works!
We are all in some form of transition, but are we in alignment? Alignment is one of those words that gets tossed around, with the expectation we all know what it means and how it works in our life.
For some of us, a transition is straight forward like changing jobs, getting married or starting a family. For others, it’s more emotional like being diagnosed with a life-threatening disease or losing a loved one. While for others it’s must more personal, like living openly as Gay, Lesbian, Bi-Sexual or Transgender.
Whatever your transition is, you know where you’re starting from. Where are you going and how to get there is where the alignment comes in. In the case of changing jobs or getting married, the knowing of where you are starting is clear. You’re aligned to move in that direction until something changes when you will transition again. The diagnoses of a life-threatening disease is a clear starting place with a hopeful and positive outcome you look to align with. Many people who are living openly as Gay, Lesbian and Bi-Sexual have become much aligned with the possibilities in the past decade. However, for the those in the Gender Community, I have not found that to be the case.
I spend a large part of my day working with clients who identify on the gender spectrum. Most of them start with the same statement, “I am a woman” or “I am a man”. To which I reply “Fantastic, what does that mean?”, ” What does that look like?” You see many clients all know where they are starting, but each one will end up in a different place. The journey of someone who is on the gender spectrum is an individual journey. Dealing with gender can be and must be ego driven. After all, it’s about you and only you. So having a strong ego and sense of self is a good thing to have. There will be many hurdles along the way. Let’s put those hurdles aside for a moment and talk about the journey.
When I ask clients the questions, “What does that mean or look like?” I’m asking to see if they have thought past the point of identifying on the spectrum. There is a beginning to this journey and we all know when that moment was for ourselves. Many have great plans, ideas, and thoughts, but many are not aligned with a finishing point. You see having the finishing point give a holding place for those plans, ideas, and thoughts. It’s a place to process and try things out as you move on your journey. Transition does end, at some point, there won’t be any more surgeries, no more therapy appointments, then what?
I was fortunate; I started my transition in High School, after graduation I had surgery, and then left for college. There was no time to get consumed with the process of transition. My transition in my eyes was a finite period of time, I had entrance exams and colleges to apply for. I was aligned with my future and my transition was a means to an end, but it was also the catalysis for a new beginning.
A Transition can be very consuming; client become so focused on the goal of hormones or surgery that they lose focus that those are just points in a longer journey, a point in time in the game of life. You have a life ahead of you after you start hormones and have surgery. So I ask you are you aligned with the right goal? Are you in alignment with who you truly want to be, after whatever you identify as your transition complete?
Many clients just respond “I just want to transition.”, “I’ll figure the rest out later.”, or my favorite “I’ll be a sexy bitch!”. I have, to be honest, I don’t know anyone who was successful in life and felt complete in their transition by figuring it out later or just being the “sexy bitch”. However, those clients who are in alignment with a future image of themselves and what their life will look like are much more successful both at transition and life.
So I’ll ask you again, I’m so happy you want to transition and be a man or woman, but what does that mean? and what does it look like?
If you’re in transition and are not feeling aligned with your future, consider signing up for a complimentary coaching session.