5 Things That Might Be Holding Back Your Transition

5 things

We all want our Transition to happen as fast and smoothly as possible.  We want nothing to get in our way or hold us back.  Naturally, there are some things that happen that are completely out of our control that slow down our progress.    Many times the things holding us back is ourselves.

Here are five things that might be holding up your transition. You might find changing any one of these things could be just thing to move transition ahead.

1.  Let it go!

Just like Elsa say is the movie “Frozen”,  “Let it Go!”

All too often, we let little things send us off the rail and sometimes into a fit of rage and anger.   Yes, I understand it’s upsetting we someone to use the wrong pronoun. I agree, when someone intentionally uses the wrong pronoun, it should be dealt with appropriately and in a timely fashion.   However, letting that one incident take control of your day is not healthy.  Don’t give someone who intentionally offended you the power to affect the rest of your day.  We each have a choice,  just how much power we give to any situation or person. Consider letting the issue go, before you give to much power away with no real benefit in the long run.

I’m also talking about all the little stuff we let affect us.  When we let the negative energy seep into our day, it can cause the snowball effect.  One little thing happens, you let it affect something else and pretty soon you’re the downslope picking up speed.  So how do you Let It Go?

First, you have to decide what truly matters. These are the things that matter most in your day to day life.  All the rest is just meaningless stuff.  This other stuff, when you give it too much energy or power, it can send you off course.   The less time you’re focused on the negative or meaningless stuff, the more you’re opening yourself to the important and more positive things that matter.

2. Negative Self-Talk

We’ve all said negative things – I hate my hair, my body, my face, etc.

We all have a level of dysphoria regarding our gender and body.   I completely understand not wanting to take on the gender role you don’t relate too.  I understand there are parts of our body we don’t like and want to change.  What I don’t understand is why we are so quick and willing to put ourselves down.

Negative Self Talk, also known as rumination, can lead to experiencing depression or anxiety.   If you wouldn’t say those things to your best friend or even a stranger, why would you say them to yourself?

Spend some time listening to yourself – is you self talk supportive or critical?  If it’s critical, why?  Is there a more supportive way to talk to yourself about the subject?  How would you tell a friend the same thing?   Think of ways to make self-talk statements supportive.  Here’s an example:

  • Critical – “I’ll never transition.”  “It’s impossible.”
  • Supportive: “Transitioning has a lot of steps, but I’ll make it one step at a time.”  ” If she found a way to transition and be happy, so can I”
3. Ignoring relationship

Transitioning is a very self-centered, ego-driven process.

I make that statement based on personal experience and to a great degree transition needs to be a self-centered, ego-driven process.  After all, it’s all about you!

The downside is the lack of happy and healthy relationships we have with people who are not in transition.  Yes, I understand it’s important to have people around who are going through the transition.  However, at some point, you will complete your transition and it may happen before or after your trans friends.   Once you’ve completed your transition, you’ll want to move on in some capacity.  However, it’s hard to move on if all the friendship is focused on transition.

Maintaining a small group of friends outside of your transition group makes that process easier.  This is not to say those two groups of friends should not enjoy each others company, the more the merrier! Research has shown that people with friends don’t just live more fulfilled lives, they are less sick, recover from illness quicker and tend to be more positive because they have people who support them in every aspect of their lives.

Research has shown that people with healthy friendships don’t just live more fulfilled lives, they are less sick, recover from illness quicker and tend to be more positive because they have people who support them in every aspect of their lives.

4A. The Social Media lifestyle

You’re sitting on the couch surf the net, mindlessly eat and bitching about feeling fat!

The New Social Media Lifestyle:  It’s a blessing and a curse.

The blessing allows you to keep up with friends and family near and far.  You can support them in their challenges and cheer for them in their successes.

The Curse has you’ll spend hours doing nothing but sitting on the couch.   We read updates, see photos and watch funny animal videos.  Everyone’s life is so exciting!  Why isn’t my life this exciting?

Researchers cite what we all know about social media, but don’t always remember — people post the best versions of themselves online.    Reading the best versions of everyone’s life leave the rest of us feeling envious and resentful.  This leads to negative self-talk (see #2) and despair that our life or transition is not going as well as everyone else.   Remember that everyone does things at their own pace in their own way.  Turn off your screen and start living your own life, create your own great story to post and stop living vicariously through others.  Don’t get caught in FOMO, Fear of Missing Out, Mode, get into JOMO, Joy of Missing Out.


The second part of Social Media Lifestyle is diet and exercise or should I say lack of either.  Social media has been known to support mindless eating and limit vigorous exercise.  If you’re taking hormones, mindless eating and minimal exercise are a bad combination.  Hormones affect more than just your breast growth and skin texture they affect your metabolism and fat distribution.  That’s right, estrogen can make you gain weight.  Diet and exercise, on the other hand, can help maintain your weight.  There’s an added bonus if you start exercising –  your brain will start releasing endorphins and monoamines. These brain chemicals help the body deal with pain, stress, depression and anxiety.  In the end, a good diet and exercise will make you feel better.

Another important piece about diet and exercise is surgery.  Surgeons are more likely to deny a paitent who is overweight, has high blood pressure or other health related issues.  Being healthly is not only important for your mental health, but important in moving your transition forward with surgery and recovery.

 5.  Forgetting to do the things you love

What is your passion?

It doesn’t really matter what your passion is.  Making sure you carve out time to pursue them is whats  important  In a world that runs 24/7, time is of the essence, which can make you feel like running around in circles.  To keep that from happening it’s important to unplug and do something you love.

Happiness is a choice. Hopefully, it’s not a hard one to make. It’s about taking the time to think about what truly matters and making sure you follow through on whatever that may be.

While many of us a guilty of these five things, my self included,   It only take a little focus to get yourself back on track.

I would love to her your thought and the ways you’re keeping yourself on track to a fast and successful transition.

5 Ways to Make Spring the Power Season

Spring has sprung!  What are you doing to make sure you enjoy this amazing time of year to the fullest.

Five things to really take advantage of this season of new beginnings.

Daylight Savings –  This is a great time to take advantage of an early sunrise to start your day a little earlier.  More than once we’ve seen an article or post that talks about the benefits of getting up early and having a morning routine.  Spring is a great time to start these routines.  Here is an article I enjoyed about creating a morning routine.

Sunshine – The March Equinox welcomes the sun into the northern hemisphere, which means more sunshine.  While to much sun is never a good thing, getting a little sun can help with vitamin D levels, your energy, and mood. Here’s a little reading on the benefits of the sun.

Warmer Temperatures – Longer Days and more sunshine lead to warmer temperatures.  Spring is a great time to get back outside and enjoy a morning or evening walk.  Take a bike ride through the park.  Whatever you do, do a little more of it outside.  Here is an article listing 11 benefits from being outside.

Trees and Flowers – Some may think of this as allergy season, which may be true for some.  However, you have to agree, the Cherry Blossoms, and Spring Flowers are beautiful!

2017 Cherry Blossoms
2017 Cherry Blossoms
2017 Spring Flowers
2017 Spring Flowers





There is just something about the smell of fresh blooms!






Fresh Fruits and Vegetables – Farmer’s Markets will start to burst with amazing spring fruits and vegetables.  Seasonal cooking is all the rage at most restaurants and you create your own amazing dishes with fresh local produce. Here are a few of my favorite recipes.

How are you making this you power season?  What do you do to enjoy Spring?

What do you do to enjoy Spring?  I’d love to hear your thoughts!



Happy St. Patrick’s Day

This a special year, St. Patrick’s Day, is on a Friday!  That’s right the holiday focused on corned beef, cabbage and beer is this Friday, March 17, 2017.

One of my favorite things about St. Patrick’s Day is Irish Coffee.

Here is my recipe for a great Irish coffee.

Let’s start by brewing a good strong pot of coffee. Please don’t use any flavored coffee, as that just won’t work here.

Next, let’s move on to the topping.

  • 1 cup Heavy Cream (Cold)
  • 3 Tablespoons Bailey’s Irish Creme
  • 1  Teaspoon Vanilla Extract

In a mixing bowl add the heavy cream, Bailey’s and vanilla.  Whip until stiff with firm peaks.  Set aside.

The assembling the Coffee
  • An Irish Coffee Mug – Yes, there is such a thing!
  • 8oz boiling hot water
  • 1 -1 1/2 oz  Irish Whiskey
  • 2 teaspoon sugar  or try 1 teaspoon Granulated Sugar and 1 teaspoon Brown Sugar
  • Freshly Brewed Coffee

Fill an Irish Coffee mug with hot water, let sit for 2 minutes, then discard the water.

Pour 1 to 1 1/2 ounces of Good Irish Whiskey.  I typically use Jameson’s or Bushmill’s – Use your favorite Whiskey.

Add the granulated and brown sugar to Whiskey and stir until dissolved.

Pour the freshly brewed coffee into the mug, leaving room for the whipped topping you’ve made.

Enjoy piping hot!

Here are a couple great St. Patrick Day gift ideas for your little leprechaun.

or maybe you want something a little more personal – try a personalized mug


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Please, leave me a comment about your favorite part of St. Patrick’s Day and let me know what you thought of the recipe.

I would also love to know if you would like me to post more of my favorite recipes.

Red, A color for Spring 2017 – What’s your shade?

Red is a strong color! Red is a powerful color! And this year Red one of the great colors we’re going to see a lot of in spring 2017.
Red is a color many people stay away from.  This year, you’re going to find it everywhere – clothing, shoes, jewelry, and bags.  You can’t go wrong wearing a flattering shade of RED this Spring!
A great red ensemble
A color for Spring


A color for Spring by aejaie featuring puffy dresses

Puffy dress

Silvertone jewelry
$30 – eternalcollection.co.uk

Poppy jewelry
$30 – eternalcollection.co.uk

February Mid-Month Check-In

It’s the middle of February and time for another monthly check-in.  Yesterday was Valentine’s Day.  I hope everyone is waking up today with a love hangover. We had a quite evening at home enjoying a lovely dinner and nice bottle of wine.  Tony and I don’t get to spend a lot of time together during the week with both of our crazy schedules – So a day like Valentine’s Day is nice because it gives us a chance to slow down and spend time with each other.

Here is my mid-month check in for February.

Did you notice the new website design?  I’m sure you did and I will be tweaking it a bit more of the next few months, I’m liking the new style and flow.  I have also decided I will be integrating another website into this site.  TLC4Life is a website promoting wellness, self-care, lifestyle design and alike.  While I enjoy the site, I’ve really felt a desire to bring those same aspects to this site.  So, over the next few weeks, I will be adding pages and post from that site to this one.

My coaching practice has been quite busy that last few weeks, which feels really good.  I really enjoy working with my clients and hear that what we worked on gave them a better insight or approach to something in their life.

On the personal side, my parents visit ended and they returned home at the end of January.  It was amazing how fast the time flew by, even my husband, Tony, remarked how fast the time went.

My closet project did get started. Ten items were pulled out and now I need to decide if they go in the sell, donate or garbage pile.

I was hoping to do better with getting with the gym and food once my parents left.   That, however, has not been the case.  My health has been a mess with allergies.  I’m allergic to mold spore.  All the rain in California has helped the mold grow.  then a couple of dry days with a little breeze spreads it all around.   I’ve literally been dysfunctional for two days with my allergies are so agitated.  I’m hoping to get back on track before the end of February.

HOW IS YOUR February going?

are you still actively working your resolutions?  Or have they fallen to the wayside?

Are you starting to feel like the year is already get away from you?   Change takes time and focus. Don’t get upset about missing a step. Be kind to yourself stay focused.  It’s never too late to start.  Take time to think about what’s important to you and where you want to be this year.

Try utilizing these two simple questions to help you focus on what’s important

  • What would you like more of in the year ahead?  I would like to attract…
  • What would you like to let go of in the year ahead?  I would like less…

Use these questions as the base for your plan..  When a decision, choice or opportunity comes your way ask yourself, “Do I want more or less of this in my life?”.

If you want more, go for it.  If you want less, figure out what you can change to make it better work for you and what you want more of. These questions allow you flexibility and a gentler approach to living your life.

If you’re still finding it a challenge to get this year focused, let’s get together on a coaching call work it out